Online vids: get ‘em while they last…

Who knows how much longer we’ll have the luxury of enjoying these here, so check them out before it’s too late!
- P.Diddy’s promotional video blog for his new album Press Play. Watch as Mr. Bad Boy dishes on mouth crud, applesauce, and proactiv acne solution. I’m not even kidding.
- Ahh, revenge of the nerds: Jon Stewart poking fun at Sen. Ted Stevens’s internet ignorance via sarcasm and Windows screensaver.
- Finally, whilst performing a search for China-related videos on YouTube, I came across this video on online gamers who get paid to play World of Warcraft for “at least 12 hours a day to produce in-game currency, equipments and whole characters, which are sold to American players.” While the vid itself is interesting, what I find more compelling is the ugly, rascist vitriol being spewed by YouTube members commenting on the clip. Reading it presented me with an unwelcome reality check. I had almost forgotten how disgustingly ignorant and pathetic many, if not most, people are. The internet has given a voice to the common man, and what I’m hearing is pretty disheartening.

Miami Gripes.

A crap copy of the new ‘Miami Vice’ is now available, errm, ‘in theaters’ on every street corner, and being the 80s crime-drama series lover that I am (Rick Hunter, where are you?!) , I have seen it and am ready to gripe.
Following are my 95 Theses (minus 90 or so) against Michael Mann’s new ‘Vice’:
I. Colin Farrell. Dear, tasteless lord. Toxic levels of skeeze. Emitting from his chin alone. And the rest? If the 20 South Asian talismans dangling from his neck don’t give it away, just think Scott Baio, Playboy Mansion, 1992. Michael Mann, what about ‘Phone Booth’ and “The New World’ gave you the impression this jerk would make a good Sonny? And it’s not that I can’t handle change. I was never even that into Don Johnson; all I knew was that he married that mousey blonde, I don’t remember her name, that was in that pervy movie Milk Money (Milk Baby? Milk Honey? not sure) where she seduced a boy and his father at the same time. But back to dumb-eyed, no talent, ranchero Farrell-o. Inexcusable.
II. Gratuitous shower love-making scenes. Nobody likes watching these unless they’re home alone with the curtains drawn. We popped in ‘Vice’ because we wanted to see some water sports, flashy suits, and strip club sting ops. Only awkwardness ensues when you’re with your buds scarfing potato chips, waiting for the next drug den shootout, and you’re forced to sit through a 10-minute sudsy, romantic rendezvous between Jamie Foxx and his wife. AND Colin Farrell and Gong Li. I don’t remember ‘Vice’ being so ‘Silk Stalkings,’ but maybe I was just too young to understand.
III. Chemistry-less and entirely unconvincing romance.
Sonny: “Hola, chica.”
Isabella: “Hola, chico.” [Forceful and contrived humping in the backseat of an SUV ensues, audience is neither amused nor aroused.]
Within the first fifteen minutes of their encounter, Sonny and Isabella decide that they are A) recklessly, life-endangeringly in love, and B) should probably hop on the first speed boat they see and head out to Havana. For a few mojitos. No worries, Sonny; Rico can take care of the heroin deal with Isabella’s husband, the head druglord of the Southern Hemisphere, on his own. No sweat. Enjoy yourself, dance some Rumba, and why not take a look at some of Isabella’s family photos while you’re down there. WTF. No really, Michael Mann, what were you thinking with this romantic side story? And you don’t even let it stay on the side – it ends up eating up most of the movie. Where did Tubbs go? I thought ‘Miami Vice’ was supposed to be about Miami detectives, not about Colin Farrell’s boner. On top of the ridiculousness of the plot itself, the chemistry between Farrell and Gong Li is laughable. I’ve never seen two people so not digging one another. This should come as no surprise seeing as Farrell has never been caught with any woman older than 22 and any shade other than white (or fake tan).
IV. Color and costuming. A superficial grievance, but when you’ve got no substance to bother yourself with, style is your only hope. And Mann somehow managed to f-ck this up, too. What happened to the palms, the pastels, the linen? For me, what made the idea of an updated ‘Vice’ sound so great was the thought of the tacky 80s Miami look being brought back to life in some new-fangled, 2006 way. Don’t ask me how, but I assumed he’d think of something. Instead, Mann turned his light and breezy world of cheap glam into a dingy, urban wasteland. Without all the sun and fun, what’s keeping Sonny and Rico at these thankless jobs?
I had more complaints but I forgot them. The lessons to be learned: redux is never as good as the real thing, and Colin Farrell, confirmed once more here, is a talentless tool.

turn off, tune out, and don’t you dare drop out.

Via today’s Shanghai Daily:

China will issue new regulations banning websites from broadcasting short films without state permission, according to the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television.
The administration has listed several well-known Websites, such as Sina, Sohu and Netease, as authorized providers of online video programs.
But others face an uncertain fate as the administration will inspect the online video content they release and take strict measures to prevent any malpractice.

Well it was nice while it lasted, but we all knew it was only a matter of time before the feds started floggin’.
This comes after the release of a 10-minute video satirizing ‘Sparkling Red Star,’ a 1974 film glorifying the Chinese revolution. The video spoof turns Pan Dongzi, a hero in the original movie, into an aspiring popstar and his father, a Red Army soldier, into a ‘Beijing real estate tycoon.’ The video has already attracted millions of viewers and incited criticism for its ‘immorality.’
Shenzen Daily reported that the unidentified creator of the video, who goes by Hu Daoge , has since seen the error in his ways and made a public apology saying, “I didn’t expect an imprudent activity would cause such a serious result. I call for all netizens and Web sites not to spread or download the video any more, otherwise all the aftereffects have nothing to do with me.” Shanghai Daily, however, reports that Hu remains confident his videos will spread virally on the web even if not on state-sanctioned websites: “Hu said he doesn’t think new rules will prevent him from making and showing his movies. ‘I can use person-to-person ways to send out my new short films, via e-mail or MSN messenger,’ he said.” Hu Daoge, you enigma wrapped in a mystery, you.
Shanghai Daily reports that “according to an online survey, more than 60 percent of Web users who have watched [the spoof video] agree that a parody should remain within bounds.” Who conducted the survey, where this survey can be found, and what is considered “within bounds” — obviously irrelevant. Just know that (60% of an unknown sample of) people stand behind the government’s decision.

Shanghai Daily cites a psychology consultant who expresses concern over the dangerous impact these noxious spoofs have on people’s minds, especially impressionable teenagers who might begin looking critically upon ‘life and society’ – and we all know what sort of stuff goes down when that happens. (Bad stuff.)
So what does this mean for sites like Youtube.com and Myspace.com and all the aspiring Gondrys across the nation? It’s a bit early to tell, seeing as regulations had already been introduced in 2004 but were largely ignored by websites with little repercussion. This doesn’t do much for widening the creative spectrum in China, though, that’s for sure.